


Living on the Edge by babs

by babs



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-17
Updated: 2011-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-18 06:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babs/pseuds/babs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's responsible for a mission gone wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living on the Edge by babs

"Daniel?" Sam reached out in the darkness. She felt her hand grasped gently in long fingers, the skin rough under her fingers.

"You're stuck with me, Carter." There was a little huff as if Colonel O'Neill gave a small laugh.

"Daniel?" Realizing her friend hadn't been there the last two times she'd awakened made her heart beat faster.

"He's sleeping, major." The familiar voice was pitched lower. "How're you doing, Carter?"

"Hanging in there, sir." She tried to turn to her side, her back aching from being in one position, and realized she couldn't. "I can't..." Breathing was suddenly hard.

"We've got you strapped in the stretcher, Carter. Deep breaths. C'mon." Colonel O'Neill's voice was calm and steady, giving her something to focus on.

Sam fought for control of her emotions, determined not to break down in front of her CO. Her leg throbbed, a deep unrelenting pain, along with the sharp pain when she breathed. Forcing herself to focus on those hurts, she tried not to think of her bandaged eyes. She'd screwed up royally, nearly gotten them all killed with her superior attitude, and not one of them had brought it up. Her teammates continued to care for her, to focus on getting her home.

"Sir?" Sam pulled her hand away. "How far to the Gate?"

"A few more hours, Carter." The answer was given too quickly, as if the colonel, Daniel, and Teal'c had rehearsed it.

"What's going on, colonel?" Sam pushed for more intel, not sure if she should, but she was responsible for whatever mess they found themselves in now. She needed to know.

"The explosion triggered a chain reaction. Daniel and Teal'c believe whoever lived here at one time put more of the devices along the path to the Gate, probably to keep whoever discovered the mines from escaping to pass on that information." There was no hesitation in his voice now. "We have to take it slow. We have no way of knowing when they are going to go off and no way of stopping them."

Carrying the stretcher was slowing them down even more, Sam knew, in addition to putting them all in danger. She couldn't be responsible for the deaths or injuries of her teammates. She'd done more than enough damage already.

"I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have insisted on going into the mine," Sam whispered. If she listened closely she could hear Daniel's deep breathing a short distance away and the slight hitches every now and again. "He's hurt isn't he?"

"He'll be fine, Carter. Just a few scratches." But Sam could hear the worry in her commander's voice.

"Leave me. You need to leave me here while the rest of you go back through the Gate." Sam didn't hesitate in making her decision. "I'm slowing you down, exposing all of you to more danger."

"I don't leave my people behind, Carter." The colonel sounded angry.

"Daniel wasn't dead," Sam whispered, the realization suddenly crystal clear. "On Klorel's ship, Daniel wasn't dead was he?"

There was a sigh and rustling noises as Colonel O'Neill shifted his weight. "No, he wasn't. He begged..." More rustling and hard swallowing. "He wanted to give us a chance to get away."

"I don't want your deaths on my hands," Sam admitted. "Sir, I made a stupid mistake. I don't want it destroying SG1."

"Carter, you know we would have had to check out those mines eventually. Now try to rest, Carter That's an order." He placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing and then patting it. "We'll be moving out in an hour."

"Yes sir." Sam responded to the command and began turning her mind on a way to convince the others to leave her behind.

* * *

"How's Sam doing?" Daniel asked, wincing as Jack and Teal'c pulled him to his feet. He put a shaky hand to Jack's shoulder breathing deeply until the dizziness passed. Even in the murky light, he could see the lines of stress on Jack's face.

"Not good, Daniel." Jack shook his head. "She wants us to leave her behind while we go for help."

"That would not be wise, O'Neill," Teal'c said. "Her injuries..."

"Not to mention we don't know if there is a trap at the Gate. If we went through and it triggered an explosion, there would be no way to get back to her," Daniel pointed out.

"I know we've been using the stretcher," Jack said, glancing at their fallen companion. "But we'll make better time if we carry her."

"There's a 'but' in there, Jack." Daniel rubbed at his face. This mission was going downhill fast, from bad to worse to hell in the space of a few hours.

"She's got internal injuries," Jack pointed out. "We're already on borrowed time here. I don't know if moving her is going to make it worse."

There were times Daniel realized just what being the commander of SG1 cost Jack and this was one of them. "I could stay with her. I'm slowing us down too."

Jack shook his head. "Daniel, she's not going to last much longer."

"I will carry her, O'Neill," Teal'c said.

Daniel looked at his friends and then down at his bandaged leg. There was a good chance Teal'c was going to be carrying a dead body through the Gate. Daniel wasn't a medic but he had enough field experience and enough first aid training to know Sam was in bad shape. He nodded to both of them and went over to kneel by Sam's stretcher.

"Hey there." Daniel brushed his fingers over her forehead, her skin too cool and clammy.

"Daniel," Sam sighed. "You have to tell Colonel O'Neill..."

Shaking his head, even though she couldn't see him, Daniel placed a finger on her lips. "SG1 is a team, Sam. We stick together. Teal'c is going to carry you. We don't have too far to go. We're going to get you home safely." He nodded to Teal'c, helping to undo the straps holding Sam to the stretcher. "Hang on, Sam," he whispered, bending close to brush his lips on her forehead.

"I will be as gentle as possible, Samantha," Teal'c said, sliding one arm under her knees.

"Now I know I'm in bad shape," Sam joked. "Samantha instead of Majorcarter." She nodded as Teal'c slid his other arm under her shoulders.

Daniel would rather have heard Sam scream than let out the weak moan and sobbing cry as Teal'c lifted her. He took her hand, dangling limply by her side and placed it across her abdomen. Carrying her like a child, instead of using the fireman's carry was going to be awkward for Teal'c, but they didn't trust using any other position with Sam's injuries.

"Ready?" Jack asked and Daniel noticed the hard glint to Jack's eyes. There wasn't time to remember this was Sam, their teammate, they were trying to save; there was only time to focus on getting them all to the Gate. He nodded and Jack gave the order to move out.

* * *

The ground exploded around them, the earth shaking beneath their feet. Jack's arm shot out around Daniel's waist, lending support when he lost his balance. His leg no longer hurt and Daniel wasn't sure whether that was good or bad. They could see the Gate from their vantage point at the top of the hill. Teal'c came up beside them, his face and uniform soaked with sweat from the effort of carrying his teammate, Sam lying quiet and still in his arms.

"Teal'c?" Jack asked, his voice hoarse from strain.

"She still lives, O'Neill." Teal'c answered. Another explosion shook the ground and for a moment Daniel wanted nothing more than to curl up on the grass and put his hands over his ears.

"Daniel?" Jack asked. Daniel leaned into Jack for a second and then pulled himself straight.

"I'm ready, Jack. I can make it."

Jack nodded, his mouth a grim line. "Head straight for the Gate." He looked at Daniel, his expression softening before he gave a nod. "Go, Daniel."

Daniel took a deep breath and began to run, conscious of the others behind him. He'd known he'd have to go first--needing to be ahead to have the Gate open and waiting. He couldn't spare a thought for Teal'c, for Sam, for Jack, for his own injuries; he could only focus on his objective, the Gate.

He spied the DHD, stumbling when a closer explosion made the ground undulate under his feet. He threw his arms out to the side for balance, losing his rhythm for a few strides. Grabbing onto the DHD, he hit his fist onto the symbols before slamming his palm onto the crystal in the center, and holding up his arm, punched in the GDO code and stepped away as Teal'c came up first with his burden. Daniel waved him through, looking through the haze for Jack. The next explosion was even closer and Daniel could no longer keep his balance on the unstable ground. Hands scrabbled at his jacket, pulling him the short distance to the wormhole, one final reverberating roar shaking him down to his marrow.

Voices, there were voices. Sam watched the proceedings with detachment. Daniel and the colonel were on two of the treatment tables in the infirmary.

"I need a full skull series and let's get some pictures of his chest too," one of the doctors called out from his position by Colonel O'Neill.

"Doctor Jackson!" someone by Daniel's side said sharply. "I need you to tell me where it hurts." Doctor Warner turned to one of the nurses and rattled off a string of orders. "Let's move it, get him to operating room two. I want to get this leg cleaned out and stitched up."

There was a flurry of movement and Daniel's gurney was whisked past Sam. He didn't look good, she thought. His face pale and his right pants leg soaked in blood.

"Ready to move?" Doctor Evans asked at the colonel's gurney, and at his order they moved him past her too. Her CO's face was caked with dirt and she noticed the nurse bagging him as they moved past.

There was only one person left in the room, a gurney surrounded by medical personnel calling out orders and doing everything they could to save that person's life.

Sam wandered closer, staring at the wads of blood-soaked gauze on the floor before everything spiraled into a long tunnel of blackness, not unlike entering a wormhole.

* * *

"We've got a heartbeat, Doctor," one of the nurses said to Janet.

Janet nodded, stepping back from Sam's gurney. "Operating room now," she ordered. "Get Rogers here as soon as possible. And let Doctor Warner know that as soon as he's done with Daniel I'm going to want his help."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Hang in there, Sam," Janet said with quiet urgency to the woman lying on the gurney. "Don't you dare give up on me because I sure as hell am not giving up on you." She looked up at the others. "Let's move it people."

Her staff moved quickly down the hall towards the operating room, Janet running through scenarios in her head. There was definite internal bleeding--how much damage Janet wasn't exactly sure although it wasn't looking good. Considering that the bandages they'd used in the trauma room when they'd cut away the clothing from Sam's torso were already soaked through. She glanced at the monitor that told her Sam was barely hanging on and then at the staff that accompanied her into the operating room. They were good people, the best of the best, and they were about to have the fight of their lives. But they were losing her, Janet knew. Rogers muttered something under his breath as Sam continued to bleed.

"Lewis, find out when Warner is going to be available," Janet ordered, flicking her gaze to the nurse by her side. "And tell them to phone Davitich too. I want him here ASAP."

"Yes ma'am." The nurse left and Janet turned her attention back to the body in front of her.

"Ma'am?" Lewis was back in minutes. "Doctor Warner is still in surgery with Doctor Jackson."

"Problem, Lewis?" Rogers asked in his gruff voice, although Janet knew the doctor was concerned.

"There's damage to his right leg and he caught some shrapnel in his chest. Doctor Warner thinks it happened in the last explosion. They've called in Bennet from the Academy. " Lewis hesitated to go on.

"Colonel O'Neill?" Janet asked.

"He hasn't regained consciousness. Doctor Lightner is prepping him for surgery now. He has abdominal bleeding in addition to the head injury."

Janet nodded, meeting Doctor Rogers' eyes above his mask. He held the same determined look Janet expected all of them were wearing. She turned her attention to the grim task before her and, taking a deep breath, began the job of patching up SG1 once more.

* * *

The infirmary was quiet and Sam got out of bed, wondering why no one approached or tried to stop her. Looking down at her feet, wiggling her toes on the cold floor, she was surprised that it didn't seem cold. She gazed towards one of the beds in the critical care unit, realizing that the medical personnel gathered around the bed had more important things on their minds than worrying about one formerly injured Air Force Major. The memory of the planet, of the fear in Colonel O'Neill's voice as she lay on the stretcher, came back in a rush. Sam knew Daniel was far more injured than the colonel had let on and she was relieved that the bandages had been removed from her eyes. Touching a finger to the skin under her eyes, she reveled in its smoothness.

She spied Teal'c standing guard between two beds, his body at attention. Approaching, she opened her mouth to speak, shutting it when she realized he was deep in kel-no-reem. Sam realized she'd never asked him what he actually thought about while in that state, although she knew that Daniel sometimes joined Teal'c after particularly grueling missions.

Remaining silent, Sam approached the first bed, shocked at how pale Colonel O'Neill looked. Monitors were attached to his chest and head, a ventilator helped him breathe, a chest tube protruded from his side, a blood pressure cuff encircled his arm, and various IV lines fed into his body. She hadn't thought he was injured but could vaguely remember shouting when the colonel and Daniel came through the gate. Had there been one last explosion propelling him and Daniel through?

Raising trembling fingers to her lips, shemoved away, making a wide circle to Daniel's bed. The same medical equipment and paraphernalia surrounded Daniel. His right leg was pulled up in traction and Sam stepped closer to the far side of his bed, allowing Teal'c to continue his meditation.

"Sorry, Daniel," she mouthed the words, not wanting to speak and possibly disturb Teal'c. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt, for any of you to get hurt." She kept her eyes on her friend and her commander, knowing the apology was needed. "I should have listened to you, Daniel. I thought I knew the answer, trusted my instruments." She remembered the loud argument they'd had on the planet, her insistence that the danger Daniel warned of was a thing of the past, that there was no sign of any type of device that could possibly cause harm. She could argue as passionately as Daniel when she believed she was right. The promise of new minerals, a possible mining site, had blinded her to other points of view. The colonel had stood silent, listening to both of them, and then advised caution as they proceeded. She'd only taken three steps into mine when she'd felt an ominous rumble under her boots and then Daniel slamming into her side, pushing her out of the way as the world exploded around them. She remembered screaming in pain, her eyes burning as if they'd been sprayed with acid and then her teammates holding down her hands, working on her without reproach. The knowledge she would be responsible for Colonel O'Neill's and Daniel's deaths made her bow her head, the weight of her arrogance overwhelming.

She looked at the monitors, SG1 having spent enough time in the infirmary to have an idea of what they were telling her. Daniel's vitals were steady and he didn't appear to be in any distress at the moment. Sam knew though that things could change in a moment. If Daniel died, if Colonel O'Neill died, her hands would be stained with their blood. A nurse appeared by the bed, her steps whisper soft, recording the numbers on the monitors and then stepping away without a word to Sam. "I'm so sorry, Daniel," she whispered again. "Please live."

The eyes of the Jaffa warrior opened as the nurse stepped to the colonel's bedside and Teal'c looked at Sam, although she had the feeling he was looking through her.

"MajorCarter."

"Teal'c," she whispered back and smiled, concerned when Teal'c frowned. Perhaps Colonel O'Neill's and Daniel's conditions were graver than she'd realized.

Turning away, facing the far end of the infirmary, Teal'c watched as Janet emerged from behind the curtains pulled around one of the beds. As she walked towards them, Sam knew her friend had lost a patient. It was apparent in every slow measured step Janet took, so different from her normal brisk pace. Teal'c stepped away from his place between the colonel's and Daniel's beds, striding to meet Janet.

Sam bent close to Daniel and whispered in his ear. "I'll be back, Daniel."

She followed Teal'c and saw him reach out to place his hands on Janet's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Teal'c. We couldn't bring her back." Janet took a deep shuddering breath and Sam could hear the shakiness in it. Sam moved closer wanting to embrace her friend, hold her in a hug. "If you'd like some time alone with Sam, the nurses will soon have her ready."

'I'm right here,' Sam wanted to say but she found herself unable to speak, a growing feeling of discomfort verging on panic settling in the vicinity of her stomach. It wasn't possible. She was here, she was listening to her friends, was walking and talking and alive.

"Thank you, DoctorFraiser." Teal'c bowed his head in a gesture of gratitude and respect. "You did all that you could," he continued, his voice low and soothing.

"I need to see Daniel and Colonel O'Neill," Janet said after wiping at her eyes. "I...Teal'c, they will pull through."

"I understand," Teal'c nodded and allowed her to pass. Sam stood still, watching her teammate walk towards the far bed, while Janet walked towards the colonel's and Daniel's beds.

"Janet?" Sam whispered as her friend walked by, reaching out to touch her arm, dismayed when her hand passed right through. But that wasn't possible. She couldn't be....but maybe she was. She followed Teal'c, her steps slow and reluctant.

Teal'c was standing by the bed, holding someone's hand. Sam walked around the end of the bed, avoiding glancing at the body lying there. The monitors here were silent, pulled slightly away from the bed, the sheets were clean, and a blanket was pulled over the person even though whoever lay there didn't need the warmth. Sam looked across the bed, at Teal'c's large dark hand curled around smaller, much paler fingers. She let her gaze travel up the length of the exposed arm, more afraid now than at any other time in her life. She saw bright blond hair, matted flat against the side of the head evidently from bandages and sweat, a glimpse of impossibly pale skin, all color leached from it, and she didn't want to look anymore, but she knew she had to. Sam finally looked down on a face she saw every day in a mirror. Small blisters lay on the skin under her closed eyes, still shiny from whatever cream or ointment had been placed there. As she studied her body, a strange detachment drifted over her. She could see the bulk of bandages under the blanket and realized she must have had internal injuries. She'd been in pain on the planet but could no longer recall it, could only recall Daniel, Teal'c, and the colonel being with her, telling her everything would be all right. She didn't want to be dead, but peace began to fill her soul, a warmth she hadn't felt in years, not since she'd been a child and wrapped in one of her mother's hugs. She hoped her teammates would understand; would know that she didn't want to die and that she was sorry to leave them. Holding her hand out, not quite resting it on her own dead body, she wondered if she'd be able to touch what remained as a reminder of Major Doctor Samantha Carter.

She smiled at the memory of meeting Daniel--his calling her Captain Doctor, the immediate warm connection she'd felt to him. They'd been through so much together and she hoped he would understand, that if he mourned he would find solace in his friends, that he would look back in fondness over their friendship and not blame himself as he was wont to do.

Sam cringed at the memory of her first meeting with Colonel O'Neill. She'd been ten kinds of an idiot walking into the briefing room for the first time, ready to assume the worst of her new commander. She was lucky he hadn't refused her appointment right then and there. It would have been what most commanders would have done, but then she'd learned over the years, Colonel O'Neill wasn't the usual Air Force officer, although he had taken her aside a few days after that first meeting and told her if she ever spoke with such disrespect again he'd have her ass in a sling.

And Teal'c. She never in her wildest imaginings from childhood would have known that an alien would be her friend, her protector, and a source of strength when she thought she couldn't go on. She would miss them all, her companions, her teammates, her family.

She moved her hand lower, hovering over the spot where her heart used to beat.

"Major Carter," Teal'c said and Sam looked up, startled.

"Teal'c?" she answered, realizing he couldn't hear her but wishing she'd be able to give one last message for him to carry to the others.

"MajorCarter...Samantha. There is yet time." Teal'c's eyes were focused on the spot where she stood, although she had the feeling he was looking right through her. "There is still time for you to choose."

"I'm dead, Teal'c." Sam finally said the words aloud. "I'm sorry."

"You can yet return. I know you still remain in this world, unable to leave." Teal'c continued speaking, his voice overlapping hers. "Choose. You must choose."

Choose? Sam looked at her body, knowing she would come back to pain, to an uncertain future. She was a scientist, and knew this was impossible. She knew she was dead, not ascended like Daniel. There could be brain damage, damage to her body that would condemn her to a life of pain or worse. She might be blind. She wasn't in pain now, couldn't remember pain...except...she loved them. She loved them all with a love that was unexplainable.

"Choose, Samantha." Teal'c's voice was fading as if she was being pulled away from them. She plunged her hand down to her chest, closing her eyes and took a chance.

"Doc..."She heard Teal'c yelling and then there was silence.

* * *

"Jack?" Daniel ignored the twinge of pain as he reached over to jiggle Jack's arm and wake him from his snooze.

"Huh?" Jack gripped the arms of his wheelchair as he straightened and studied Daniel. "Is something wrong?"

"Sam." Daniel motioned towards Sam's bed. "I think she's waking up." He pushed his own wheelchair closer, turning it so his outstretched right leg was facing away from the bed, allowing him better access to his friend. He slipped his hand through the bedrail and took her hand, squeezing her fingers. Miniscule pressure was returned.

Excitement rang through Daniel's voice as he announced, "She squeezed my hand! Just now!"

"Daniel." Janet said as she approached the bed, the warning tone unmistakable.

"It was different this time, Janet," Daniel insisted, placing his other hand on Janet's forearm. "It felt different." He was sure this time it wasn't a false hope, that this time Sam was waking, that the pressure on his fingers wasn't simply her body's reflex.

"Sam?" Janet called in a loud voice. "Can you open your eyes? Come on, Sam. Open your eyes." She slid her hand down Sam's arm, bumping Daniel's hand out of the way. "Squeeze my fingers, Sam. Squeeze them." But even Daniel could see there was no response to the doctor's pleas. She turned to face him, her brown eyes filled with compassion and sadness.

Daniel curled his hands into fists. They knew the odds. Jack and he had awakened in the infirmary four days ago to find that Sam was in a coma. She'd been pronounced dead, Teal'c had informed them, but her heart had started beating again while Teal'c was by her side. Teal'c spoke no more of the vigil he'd held over all three of his teammates while their lives hung in the balance. It was Janet who told them more, that Sam might never awaken from the coma, that if she did there might be brain damage due to the time her brain had gone without oxygen. Daniel refused to believe there weren't other options--options that included Sam coming back to them whole and totally in control of her faculties.

"I'm sorry, Daniel," Janet said.

"Uh, Doc?" Jack called, his voice deep and surprisingly calm. "I think someone *has* finally woken up from her nap."

Leaning forward in his wheelchair, Daniel lifted himself a little ways off the seat to get a better view. Sam's eyes were open and she was blinking slowly as if she wasn't quite sure where she was. She licked her lips, moving her mouth, and Daniel could see her first words even if he couldn't her them.

"Daniel? Colonel O'Neill?"

"We're here, Sam." Daniel caught her hand again, noticing Jack had done the same on the other side. "We're here," he said again, squeezing her hand and feeling her curl her fingers even more tightly around his.

"About time you woke up, Carter," Jack groused, and Daniel grinned at the small smile Sam gave to the gruff tone.

"I'm going to ask you both to leave." Janet motioned at both of them and Jack began backing up his wheelchair. But Sam wasn't quite ready to let go of Daniel's hand. He held up their intertwined fingers. "Uh, Janet?"

"Leave for now," Janet clarified to Sam. She brushed hair back from her friend's forehead. "Daniel, Colonel O'Neill, and Teal'c will be back as soon as I allow, Sam."

"Yes we will," Daniel echoed. Sam released his fingers and he smiled at her again. "Undomesticated equines..." and he knew Sam was going to pull through when she gave a tiny nod at his words.

* * *

"Carter, stop smushing your Jello and just eat it."

Sam dropped her spoon on the tray and pushed it away. She didn't care how much that last comment by Colonel O'Neill sounded like an order, she wasn't hungry and she was sick of Jello. Daniel was frowning at the colonel, the little worry lines on his forehead more pronounced than usual. Her head was starting to pound and she knew that any minute Janet was going to come by and chase Sam's company away, telling them that she needed to rest and that it was time Daniel and the colonel rested too. Teal'c stood at the foot of her bed, her own bodyguard and Janet's assistant in making sure her other two teammates got the rest they still needed. Although they had both been allowed out of the infirmary three days after Sam awoke, they were still confined to base and Sam knew the men well enough to recognize they were slowly going stir crazy.

"Daniel?" She figured starting with him would be the easier task. If she could just get him distracted, maybe he and the colonel would leave. She stared at the blob of red Jello lying to the side of the spoon. Red, like the blood spilled on the mission.

"Sam?" She looked up to see Daniel staring at her, giving her a small smile when she met his gaze. "You okay?"

"I'm...I'm just tired." She held a hand up to her mouth, faking a yawn.

"Maybe we should go, let you get some rest," Daniel said. He reached down for his crutches and prepared to stand.

Cursing the sudden tears that burned her eyes, Sam turned her attention to the IV in the back of her hand.

"Carter?" Colonel O'Neill was leaning on his cane, his brown eyes filled with concern. She looked up at him, unable to ignore the command tone, biting her lip to try to keep the threatening tears from spilling over. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, sir." She shook her head. Great, now her nose was stuffing up and it was getting hard to swallow.

"Uh huh." He shrugged one shoulder and handed her a tissue.

"Thank you, sir."

"Perhaps MajorCarter is fatigued?" Teal'c suggested, and Sam would have jumped out of bed and kissed him for his attempt to draw the others away if she hadn't been hooked up to all the tubes Janet deemed necessary to promote her recovery.

"Perhaps." Daniel drew the word out and Sam knew he didn't believe it for a minute. He balanced on his crutches, watching her.

Seeing him standing there when he could have just as easily been dead due to her stupidity brought it all back, making her breath catch and her mouth go dry. "I'm sorry," she said around the lump in her throat. "I'm sorry. I was arrogant. I didn't listen to anyone's opinion but my own and I could have gotten us all killed." She rested her gaze on each of them, finally finishing by looking at the colonel. "I'm sorry, sir. It was my fault--all of this was my fault."

There was silence when she finished and she could feel her cheeks burning, although the lump had disappeared, the tears dried up. It had never been easy for Sam Carter to say she was sorry, to apologize for her mistakes; her own fear of being wrong, being less than perfect, almost paralyzing at times. For the first time in years Sam felt free.

"You already apologized, Carter," the colonel said. "No need to overdo it."

"No, I didn't." Sam looked from him to Daniel who was chewing his lower lip as if concentrating on one of his translations.

"Yes, you did, Sam. I remember. It was when we..." Daniel began slowing down, his words coming out as if being measured. "When Jack and I, and you were...You told me to live." He stopped and she was sure the shock she saw in his eyes was reflected in her own.

Daniel broke the gaze first and completely confused, looked over to Colonel O'Neill, who shrugged again. "What? You want me to explain? You think this is anything more out of the ordinary than Daniel jaunting around the galaxy with his glowy friends for a year or having a snake inside you?

"Now c'mon, Daniel, 'cause I'm hungry and considering the way you use those crutches it'll probably take us about an hour to get to the commissary."

Sam smiled, the first real smile she'd felt in days, and she nodded as Daniel looked at her raising his eyebrows.

"We'll be back, Sam." Daniel smiled. He leaned towards her but wobbled on his crutches so he straightened back up before he fell across her lap.

"I know." Sam said, waving her fingers at him. "I know you will, Daniel." She sighed as she looked down at her Jello. "Eat some chocolate cake for me."

"Oh Daniel?" the colonel called from his place near the door. "Starving here."

"I'm coming, Jack," Daniel said and hobbled over to the door to follow his friend.

"Teal'c?" Sam wondered why her other teammate was still standing by the bed. She had so many things to think about. She hadn't told anyone of her out of body experience, although she thought Janet probably would want to know. But it was something she hadn't even processed herself yet. Sam wasn't ready to share it with anyone else.

"I am glad you chose to return to us, Samantha," Teal'c said, bowing his head.

For a minute Sam thought he was referring to her recovery, but then another thought struck her. "Teal'c, when I was..." she took a deep breath, relishing the feeling, "dead, did anything..." She was a scientist and not used to speaking of matters of the soul.

"You chose," Teal'c said and stood silent.

Sam smiled as she looked into his dark brown eyes, knowing he'd been with her the whole time. "You're right, I chose, Teal'c. And it wasn't a hard choice at all."

  



End file.
